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Eureka Moments

Gloves affixed to hands that once
trembled as it approached the breast of life.
Colours on mirrors until they reflect
the view of high windows
peering down with Merlin eyes
at disembodied puppets
that flay with happy barking dogs
affirming kinship and the soul of real life.

What is that leap upwards into the dull stoned tower or the bungeeless jump to meet the odour of the ground and to be a witness to one's own martyrdom?

Why, it is the trick of an unconscious ingenuity,
a harmonization of truths,
but not all truths,
that are heard by rhythms:
a realigning of the psychic cosmos
when two forces play together
to the tune of an idea.
One needs stupidity or lies: either will do.

London

Were you waiting,
You cross-legged creature
in the post-mortem hall
after the image of embarrassment
crowding the roaring currents
of the sickness of vodka,
art in hand?

You see,
in London,
in a dead-cushioned couch.
Geekly staring forth,
into a bottomless screen.
Expressionless but happily flushed.

The lighted hallways resound as
the bottle scrapes the floor.
The party is over, but the crowd lingers,
like the Turners on the wall.
The vast silence grows louder,
as the bottle breathes its last alcohol breath
and the spotlights darken
against the darkening sky.

Poorly formed confessions part 4

I

I miss you terribly.
I miss the excitement you bring as you enter into
the alleyways of dimmed lights.
I love the uncertain footsteps,
tinged with the pace of slight
anticipation, slight, but appealing.
Ungrounded in peaceless bridging,
like tense thread strung over Fates.
I love the spark of unclaimed, unspoken feeling,
your pauses , your silences,
enriching like dew-drenched hay, to stay the rotten beetle
of slant-eyed seeming.

Memories as dried fruits.
Life as syrups that cling to hoarse lips.
Groans stifled as ulcers are cut.
By steel of deathless truth.

II

The stars have bled
like prune eyed souls that with poor hands grasping
Strayed into narrow boroughs.
Splayed with the stench of truths
like overripe fruit that clung to trees like disease.
Dripping twisted grins like pressured slime
tracing the rivulets of sceptered cracks
in the streams of conscious cries.
The cheeks, the lips, the collapsing bones,
that weathered and hardened and reveried no more.
If peace could dream up paintbrushes,
and with a heavy heart, stake a claim and draw,
turn the cross beams of the heavens
into unspoken Jesuses and jigsaws
so would the nut and bolts of truth
collapse into music, like a crown.

III

Remember? I was standing on the
skeletal porch of the millennial church.
It was morning, and the potted plants
spoke with the conviction of absolute truth.
The busload of sinful souls rumbled past,
on a pedestal of frustrations and proofs.
It turned back,
like a coastal tide.
And swearing, good-naturedly, I mounted that stairway.
I loved the chill,
the life-sown cold that traveled as we stumbled
over dead sea-shells, amid a cold drizzle.
Finally, anticipation,
the false glance of salvation:
that would guide me, and all men,
to love, joy, hope, happiness,
and divine truth.

Philosophic Musing in the Continental Style

How to extend the rhythmic immediacy of emotion.

To transcend an academic style that is wedded to one's throat like a swelling tonsil that sings stable sounds, deceptively true, confident, as if it could stretch out pure like life in mornings of sunshine.

Of course, the pillaging of one's need for nature is the easiest and earliest undistilled mode of extension - the arrow that slices through air. But how single-minded, how Singaporean, an arrow is! It merely becomes its owner, and its truth is but its target, sole and lonely, and as bound to accusations as it surely deserves it.

So, what is therefore the prognosis of this disease - the Tantalus-yearning-melancholy for the content of unity? The representable, and therefore, far off unity? A separation wrought by the hidden hand of disintegrating conditions?

To speak in uneven tones, to collapse and to be reborn in another form with another step, to sense all and to yield nothing, without the love of suffering self-disgust: that is the given, the economic tradeoff of the untold life, and its mere statement the siren of sadness that is morally wrong, that should never be heard.

Not Well Read

At times, deprivation is the best form of nourishment.

I don't even want redemption.
I think its better to suffer the pain of guilt and exult
in the self-reverence
of one's emotions.

I think I'll have a plate of choicelessness, please.
From a menu of illusions, of course.
Noise. Noise. Noise. Will the world just shut the fuck up.

2 General Features of the Singaporean

More will be added later:

1) He does not trust his own intuitions or feelings. Eg. Defensive spontaneity of the coffeeshop uncle.

2) Success is the essence of all ethics. Eg. Failure is ethically wrong.

These 2 features have contributed greatly to Singapore's economic success.

Interesting Q&A

Here is a list of 20 questions to ask someone to get to know them.

* What is the one thing that you love the most about yourself?
* If you were to change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
* What's the first thing you notice in a person of the opposite sex?
* Any specific personality traits you would like to see in your life partner?
* What do you appreciate most about your life?
* What are the 5 important things you would include in your things-to-do list?
* Any regrets from life or past relationships?
* What do you like to do in your spare time/on weekends?
* Do you miss your childhood?
* Are you still in contact with any of your childhood friends?
* What's the worst relationship you have ever been in?
* Do you get along well with your family members and relatives?
* What's your opinion about your parents' relationship?
* Whom are you more closer to, your mom or your dad?
* Why do you think would anybody wish to get into a relationship with you?
* Do you like having children around you?
* Do you see yourself getting married in the next few years?
* When it comes to career, what do you think would be an ideal job for you?
* If you were to win $10 million, what would you do with all that money?
* If your were to get an opportunity to live anywhere in the world, which part of the world would you choose?

Interesting questions; and quite fun to answer.

1. What is the one thing that you love the most about yourself?

I like my ability to roast a philosophical problem in my mind like turkey over a slow fire. I mean my focus levels under favorable conditions.

2. If you were to change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Its hard to decide between two demands. One is the capacity to be more socially successful, two is the ability to grasp the mathematical-logical mode of thought in a more intuitive manner. I'll choose the first one, narrowly.

3. What's the first thing you notice in a person of the opposite sex?

The face, the figure, and the ability to carry off femininity in movement and poise. All three are very closely related, so it is a single effect, a single thing.

4. Any specific personality traits you would like to see in your life partner?

Gentleness, unlimited patience, kindness to perform the role of emotional crutch.

5. What do you appreciate most about your life?

That I have the privilege of an upper-middle class background in a historical moment where opportunities for individual development are at unprecedented levels. And a loving childhood.

6. What are the 5 important things you would include in your things-to-do list?

1. Get a first-class honors.
2. Get a decent job for money.
3. Quit the decent job and enter further studies.
4. Attain a sustainable position within the research industry.
5. Write a seminal philosophical text.

7. Any regrets from life or past relationships?

To have insisted on quitting the piano at an early age.

8. What do you like to do in your spare time/on weekends?

Surf the net. Listen to music.

9. Do you miss your childhood?

Yes. The primary reason is that I am not experiencing it now; the secondary reason is that one knows it is over.

10. Are you still in contact with any of your childhood friends?

Didn't have any. Oh wait i did have a few.

11. What's the worst relationship you have ever been in?

Not nice to talk about.

12. Do you get along well with your family members and relatives?

Family yes, but i do not take the initiative to talk to them when I'm busy. Relatives are like strangers, with the additional encumbrance of obligation.

13. What's your opinion about your parents' relationship?

My God, don't get me started.

14. Whom are you more closer to, your mom or your dad?

My mom.

15. Why do you think would anybody wish to get into a relationship with you?

There are masochistic people around.

16. Do you like having children around you?

No.

17. Do you see yourself getting married in the next few years?

No.

18. When it comes to career, what do you think would be an ideal job for you?

Ideal job is an oxymoron. Refer to above.

19. If you were to win $10 million, what would you do with all that money?

800 quid on audio equipment, 1000-15000 quid on musical instruments (depending on whether I really want a harpsichord), invest the rest for sustainable income without working.

20. If your were to get an opportunity to live anywhere in the world, which part of the world would you choose?

Somewhere in Northeastern US.

Poorly formed confessions part 3

Lilting soundless songs from life trapped lips. Springs of sturgeon darkness. That vileness of spool wrung present, taut as an unrelievable bow. The death of an arrow, as unfree as its owner, unsure as its aim, as broken as its bodkin tip, its sorry hopes.

"Come near, that no more blinded by man's fate,
I find under the boughs of love and hate,
In all poor foolish things that live a day,
Eternal beauty wandering on her way."

Yeats, W.B.