Another note to self

If one instinctively projected one's dependencies not on the individuality, within time and space, of the organism, or the metaphysically significant fact of free will, or whatever, but on someone else, or a communal hope, or some kind of outward-searching tradeoff-sustaining equilibrium, then of course it becomes extremely uncomfortable to sustain any form of independent agency.

Practical reason MUST be directed inwards-out, not the other way round.

How one justifies the absurdity of one's agency - not in phenomenal terms, but in practical ones, within a kind of social vacuum, where only feelings prevail -
for all definitions, when undependent, uninvested, fail -
how then, to celebrate one own's particularity at every moment in terms both universal and inevitable (isn't ethics about inevitability?) -
THAT is the question.
Philosophy as the ethics of ideas.

II

Transferable loneliness.
Strange. You finally desire only what you can't get,
but still desire.
All want something greater than their ability to achieve,
even though, of course, it dosen't exist.